Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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