dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
