I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
