I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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