If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
