i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
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I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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