I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
