I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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