I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I enjoy the company of your penis
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
