guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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