I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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