Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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