think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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