By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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