I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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