So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm at about main and main street
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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