u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
