dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
