it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
3 2 1 whiskey
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
