Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think i got beer on your cat.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
