I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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