youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
