Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
