.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
