Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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