Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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