I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it glows. i had to have it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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