i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
