is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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