Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
