Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
