8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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