I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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