this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
