ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
