mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
