my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
