I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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