She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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