I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
