I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
