You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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