I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
