im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Randomize
