Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
