dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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