she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
