Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
