omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i was born a porn star she said
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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