She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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