mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
