Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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