I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize