please come you make the beer taste better
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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