I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
