Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
