I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
