i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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