theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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