You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
