I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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