Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
As shirtless as possible
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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