1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
