He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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