She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
