please come you make the beer taste better
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
