he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize