you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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