Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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