Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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