I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
