I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
