just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
