I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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