I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
